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I'm Baaaaaaaaaack

Just wanted to say I'm back after a VERY VERY VERY long break. Ignore most of the posts from long long ago, chances are I've changed a lot since then.

I live in Chicago now.
I live in a studio apartment by myself now.
I'm dealing with culture shock now.
I'm trying to grow up now.

And I also don't feel like typing now.

Therapy

Apparently I'm the Dr. Phil of my area. Why does everyone turn to me to listen?
I love stencils.


Registration for school is next week. Hello senior year. Hello college applications. Hello financial aid forms. Hello green and white body paint.

Went to the Indy warped tour. I was dripping sweat. It was so hot Toni and I bought shorts and changed in the portapoties. Lots of differences, I just don't feel like going into it right now.

I'm really sick of this myspace addiction.

My face is peeling off.

Jul. 12th, 2006

So I'm sitting here typing this while I SHOULD be packing. I have a ton of stuff and there's no way I'm going to be able to fit it into the suitcase and box I have available.

My flight leaves sometime around noon from San Francisco. I won't get back to Indiana until 10pm. Damn time change.

So this sale at Victoria's secret is amazing. It ends tomorrow...better get on that.

I watched a great documentry on comic books today. It was on the history channel and it talked about the evolution of comic books. They began with the first superhero ever put into a comic (Superman) and ended with the current. But what I loved it how the comics mirror what is happening in the world. During WWII, Superheroes were fighting the nazis and facism. During the 60's, Wonder Woman lost her powers and became a karate fighting woman easier to relate to the women's rights people (it didnt work, they felt that the writers were actually making Wonder Woman a weak woman), during the 80s the punisher was the most fitting superhero. I never thought of comics as propaganda. Comics got kids to help out with war bonds, taught kids the dangers of drugs, and helped out of place kids relate.

Talked to Vaughn again today. Its weird. Most of our conversations will be sweet like always until just one or two sentences bite deep. But I can't expect things to be perfect again after only a few days. This will take time, I realize that. And I'm more sure now than ever that I love this man. He makes me happy. He treats me like an equal and a best friend and a princess. He's perfect for me.

I went to the mall today with Andrew, James, and Will. It was nice to see them one last time before I go. It was really weird though, wanting to shop and buy cute clothes and shoes and bras and all that girly stuff but not being able to because they were bored and uncomfortable. I was considerate and didnt even try to shop.

I'm wasting time and sleep. LOTS to be packed and I should try to sleep.

Back again

Hey, its been what...a year...give or take three days?

Well I'm going to try to write in this again. Its weird. I'm so used to my myspace adiction that this LJ thing seems so foreign. I don't remember how to do anything. Geez.

I'm so sleepy right now, I appologize for anything that might be caused by this fatigue.

I want to delete my old posts. Years of stupid meaningless talk. Entries of a stupid young girl who wanted so badly to be grown up and mature. And for every effort she made, she succeeded that much more in making herself look like a fool. Perhaps that is why I am the way I am, because I hate who I was each yesterday.

So I come home to Indiana tomorrow...bittersweet return.

Don't you hate it when someone gets under your skin? Someone that rubs you the wrong way in so many ways, yet you can't get them off your mind? Someone who is the foil of everyone you love, but thats what makes you even more attracted?

I had an amazing talk with Seth today. He listens. He listens so well. He listens and he jokes and he offers advice and asks questions. I really appreciate him.

Vaughn and I had our first mostly non-awkward conversation tonight. Ever since our discussion yesterday, things have been so terrible. I've cried every phone call. I think things are looking up.

I went to Warped Tour Saturday, but that'll be a completely different post. I'm way to tired to talk about it tonight. All I wanted to say was that my dumbass self didnt want to mess up my makeup so I didn't put sunscreen on. Now my nose is likely 2nd degree burned. Ouch.

Don't get your hopes up this time around...I can't seem to keep my LJ for more than a few entries anymore.
Well I'm going home today, so I won't be able to read any of your LJ's anymore or post in this, not like I've done that more than once or twice in the past few months anyway, and those were just saying how i'm going to be gone.

Check myspace for pictures of Warped Tour or the other good times I had this summer. Or you can IM me or email me or personally visit me or whatever. I will post this one most glorious picture though: Image hosted by Photobucket.com

A few more Warped pics can be found here and when I get the rest of them in the mail, I'll put them on that site also.

Bye for good dolls!

Oh, one last thing. Because I did this on aaron's lj:Collapse )

Jul. 6th, 2005

I am banned from LJ at my mom's house so I havent read any of your journals in months. I got out of the habit of writing in this, so I doubt I'll start up again. Sorry, but please do express your woes in the form of a comment. It'll make me feel special.

But yeah, you can always find out about my life through myspace, aim, telephone...hell actually try talking to me instead of reading about me.

Farewell lovers!
...Well my best side was your worst invention (Come on, just say it),
Why can't you live without the attention (I need you defenseless, dependent),
Why can't you live without the attention (alone)."


Its 2 am and I'm at Claire's computer. I went in here to talk to Bryan on the phone and then saw Morgan was on so of course i had to follow up with her and then I just got sucked into the myspace black hole. I posted 4 bulletins, at least 7 comments, and 3 image comments. Plus I edited my profile. Now I'm doing Livejournal stuff. GO TO BED JILL!

I'm tired.

HXC sleepover IV was fun. We have about 90 pictures, so get ready for some of those to be posted.

I dont think I wore pants for more than 40% of this night. Oh well, its just claire, neither of us care about modesty when its just us...that'd be silly.

I dont know what the hell is up with Bryan. I don't know when he's lying, when he's telling the truth, when he's sincere, when he's not. I hate it. I want so badly to believe him, but he's not giving me very good reasons to. I think perhaps I'll still talk to him, but I just won't talk to him as much or devote as many feelings as I have been. Yeah, that's looking to be the best way to go right now. I think he's just overcompensating for all the years he wasn't single, which is sad because really you cant go living your life like that. Oh well, I sort of regret this, but I don't because you know, I learned a lesson from it. More than one actually, I learned a lot of lessons. I've learned to not jump into things (something I have to learn again and again), that shit happens and you cant dwell on it (again something i am told multiple times), that there are mean people out there that will hurt you (I've been pretty naive about that), That sometimes the grass isnt greener on the other side, that people love me and care about me.

Oh and about that myspace bulletin...wow, for something that wasnt even my idea it sure exploded and got around eh? About five-seven people on my friend's list alone posted something about how they're going to fuck him up for hurting me and that they care about me and blah blah...it was sweet. I didnt know people like Tbone and Cam and them cared as much as they do. Makes me feel really great. Man I love my friends.


Golly, look at me ramble...I need SLEEP. I have to be up in four and a half hours...gosh. I'll post later with picturas y otras cosas.

Night!
My dance craze dvds came in the mail today. Too bad they came in TYLER'S mail...oh well, i'll get them Monday at school. I'm so excited. Dance Craze...best of british ska...live!

Well I made myself appear to be a fucktard. Yep. I was played for a fool. I just don't understand I guess. Why would someone put so much effort into elaborate lies and then when figured out try to cover up the lies? Would you just move on and lie to different people? Hm, makes no sense to me. Why lie to me this morning? Why not just tell me the truth and go move on to antagonize some other whore? Oh well....shit happens I guess.

Talked to Brian on the phone today. He's a pretty wierd guy. A nice guy though. We never really talk on the phone. I love his basement. God that cheese! All the street signs. I look forward to spending time with him and the guys this weekend.

I'll be at Claire's any minute now. Yay. HxC sleepover IV is looking to be a fun bag and a half.

Thank God school is almost over.